Ryan Prins' Blog

Well, today was a good day. The internal tension that I have been having for the past few weeks has been released when I finally got to tell her how I felt. Now, it is not that fact that she needed to know what I had to say, but it was more for me to get it out of my system and for me to stop thinking about it. Needless to say, it was probably the best thing I could have done. I mean, it was something I have been meaning to say (get out of my system) for sometime, but it really just all got messed up in the end. I had more to say, but really, what I said in under a minute summed it all up. This is probably better since I have a tendency to blab. In either case this person, who I think they know who they are (KEA), showed me something that I don’t do a lot. That is thinking positive.

Ok, so, maybe it seems that I am pretty positive on the outside, but inside I hold a lot of stuff in and I am probably way more a pessimist than an optimist. In talking to her online she was basically saying that no matter what the day brought her she always had the best thing of the day on her mind and nothing else. I envy this, seriously. I always seem to focus on the negative. Maybe it is because I want to build on the negative, but if I focused on the positive and built on that, what could happen? Probably a lot.

I can’t seem to appreciate all the other POSTIVE things that happen during my day. Things like hanging out with the INFO peeps, super friends’ lunch, or just anything else that would make my day. I always let the little shit get in the way. I have to learn to move on from these things, but it is going to be hard. I wish I had this attitude all the time, but I can’t help to think about how things could have been different. I need to stop with the “What if?” and start thinking more positively about my day and about myself.

Well the other night (Tuesday) I just could not sleep. It was one of those nights where one thing that is mentioned leads to a massive flood of things/emotions to the mind. Now, I won’t say what exactly started this, but I will say thatit came from an online conversation.

When I went to go to bed I figured that I would just be so tired, which I was, and I would just fall asleep. Well, I was far from wrong. I just laid there in my bed thinking one thing, which leads to another thing; and so on… this was not good. I was already physically tired by my mind was just not goingto let my body rest, not just yet at least.

I am sure that most of you have had thought processes like this before. You start with something so small and it leads to things that you don’t have control over. This is something that I just had to deal with sometimes. Now, really, this whole ordeal kind of started on my end (by me not doing things I “should” have) and I have no one to blame, except for myself. However, then when I say this I just end up reflecting on what was in the past and when I should have done certain things. But, what is in the past is in the past. I can’t change it,no matter how much I wish I could.

There is so much more to say, but some of it is better to be said in person and I don’t feel that this is the proper forum for it. Now I just wait forthe call that I asked for. You think it will happen?

This was a convo w/ my good freind Julia tonight. Yah, the Internet never lies! Hahahaha. Man I have issues. Note: The 1st link no longer works.

[12:08 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:08 AM] Ryan: http://students.washington.edu/rprins/kelsey.htm
[12:08 AM] Jula: yea yea.
[12:08 AM] Ryan: she didn’t believe me
[12:08 AM] Ryan: that you could do that
[12:09 AM] Jula: kelsey????
[12:09 AM] Ryan: yah
[12:09 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:09 AM] Jula: hmmmmm
[12:09 AM] Ryan: it’s so ghetto
[12:09 AM] Ryan: made in word
[12:09 AM] Jula: it didn’t work.
[12:09 AM] Ryan: bah
[12:09 AM] Ryan: ok
[12:09 AM] Jula: FIX IT.
[12:09 AM] Jula: hahha jk.
[12:09 AM] Ryan: I DELETED IT
[12:09 AM] Ryan: SO THER!
[12:09 AM] Ryan: !
[12:10 AM] Jula: what no.
[12:10 AM] Jula: get it back.
[12:10 AM] Ryan: too late
[12:10 AM] Ryan: here I’ll make a new one
[12:10 AM] Jula: ok thanks.
[12:11 AM] Ryan: http://students.washington.edu/rprins/jula.htm
[12:11 AM] Ryan: The internet doesn’t lie
[12:12 AM] Jula: hahahah
[12:12 AM] Jula: YES.
[12:12 AM] Jula: but where r the files?
[12:12 AM] Jula: hahaha
[12:12 AM] Ryan: still uploading
[12:12 AM] Ryan: 10 more min
[12:12 AM] Ryan: it’s big
[12:12 AM] Jula: ahh ok
[12:12 AM] Jula: I LOVE IT.
[12:12 AM] Ryan: I can even add a pic to it
[12:12 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:12 AM] Jula: i feel special.
[12:13 AM] Jula:
[12:13 AM] Jula: YES
[12:13 AM] Jula: devote a whole page to me.
[12:13 AM] Jula: haha.
[12:13 AM] Jula: that’s the way it should be.
[12:13 AM] Jula: put a personal ad up for me
[12:13 AM] Jula: no jerks allowed.
[12:13 AM] Jula: hahaha
[12:13 AM] Jula: i tried dling her new album but they were all crappy
[12:14 AM] Jula: they did that sketchy thing
[12:14 AM] Jula: u kow?
[12:14 AM] Ryan: yah
[12:14 AM] Jula: yea HATE THAT.
[12:14 AM] Jula: can’t stand it
[12:14 AM] Jula: i shoudl really jsut go buy the cd
[12:14 AM] Jula: i think i will actaully
[12:14 AM] Jula: if i like it enuf
[12:14 AM] Jula: or have my sis get me promo copy
[12:15 AM] Ryan: ok
[12:15 AM] Ryan: look at it again
[12:15 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:15 AM] Jula: j
[12:15 AM] Jula: k
[12:15 AM] Jula: LOVE IT.
[12:15 AM] Jula: yes.
[12:15 AM] Jula: haha.
[12:17 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:17 AM] Ryan: again
[12:17 AM] Ryan: look
[12:17 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:18 AM] Jula: K
[12:18 AM] Jula: omg it’s great.
[12:18 AM] Jula: aww.
[12:18 AM] Jula: our love is ont he internet.
[12:18 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:18 AM] Ryan: wait
[12:18 AM] Ryan: one more
[12:18 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:18 AM] Ryan: k
[12:18 AM] Ryan: again
[12:18 AM] Jula: ok
[12:18 AM] Ryan: haah
[12:19 AM] Jula: hahahah
[12:19 AM] Jula: omg i toatlly laughed out loud
[12:19 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:19 AM] Jula: omg it’s a bit creepy tho…
[12:19 AM] Jula: hahahhahaha
[12:19 AM] Ryan: yah
[12:19 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:19 AM] Jula: ok almost drooled.
[12:19 AM] Jula: SICK.
[12:19 AM] Jula: hahaha
[12:19 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:19 AM] Ryan: haha
[12:19 AM] Jula: hahaha
[12:19 AM] Jula: i’m so gross
[12:19 AM] Ryan: lol
[12:19 AM] Jula: that’s why i don’t have a boyfriend.
[12:19 AM] Jula: how sad is that.
[12:19 AM] Ryan: haha

Well the weekend has come and basically gone. It was spent doing some fun things (poker, mafia, IKEA!!!) and some not so fun things (studying). But, overall the weekend was good. I moved my bed around in my room and now it is higher off the gound than before. This is nothing that new to me since my bed it kinda far off the ground at home, but being so low to the ground was nice, I could just fall out of bed and go onto my business. But, yeah… The weekend was nice. Got to hang out with some cool new people on Friday when we played poker and then later moved to a friend’s apartment to play Mafia and just hang out. This was nice to get to meet some new people from around where I live. I see many of them all the time and I feel like I should at least know their name. Now I do.

But yeah, man, studying sucks. I mean, this goes without saying, but it always seems that I spend a majority of my time just catching up. But, I can’t complain, I will always find time for my friends and for meeting new people. So, I can’t bitch too bad. Overall a good weekend, now it’s time for the week to begin. I start work this week, but my Dad will be up at the end of the week and it will be nice to see him for a little bit. So, until then….

Ok, today I spent a good three hours with the Info people working on this lame ass CSE 373 homework. Not only did it suck big time but we found that recursion sucks. If you don’t know what recursion is, well basically it is a function that calls itself over and over until it meets a condition that will make it stop calling itself. So, in basic terms it’s like this: You are told to say count up one at a time over and over until you reach one hundred. When you reach one hundred you just say, “Ok, I’m done.” With the frustration of recursion we found the following funny quotes funny:

- Suck me recursively until NULL.
- Love me recursively.
- Recursion sucks @$$!
- CSE 373 sucks recursively, forever and ever.
- Eat me recursively.
- Annoy me more recursively. (Like this is hard to do ;))

It has come up in my mind now that some things in my life are kind of in pieces  right now. Some in a bad sort of way, but mostly in a way that is unorganized  and difficult to piece together. I am a person who plans every little thing  out. You should see my calendar. But, really I have been and currently am involved  in many different things that require me to be pulled in many different directions.  Now, not that this is a bad thing, but I just don’t know what is going to have  to give first. I know some things that I can’t let go of and some that I could  probably part from. So, I guess this is where a list comes in.

School: Ok, what do you think? Yeah, I’m probably not going  to have the quarter that I had last quarter, but I still have to give it my  best and dedicate as much time as needed to get my work done and to stay on  top of things. I have already spent a couple days reading for 10 hours and  it was not something that I would choose to repeat anytime soon.

Friends: In the end they are all that you have. Friendship is one thing that  I think I might take for granted too many times. I am just lucky that I have  the friends that I do here in WA and back at home in MN. They know me for who  I am and that is what makes them a step above the rest.

Work: I just started my job today and I am anticipating that this will take  up a good amount of my time, but this should help me structure my time better.

Online commitments: Ok, as strange as it sounds I currently  have commitments to people online, some to people I know and some to people  I don’t know nor will ever meet in person. Yeah, this will probably be the  first thing to be cut back on. There are some people (UW| comes to mind) that  I can’t just let go because many of them have become people that I have known,  respect, and trust. So, that makes it more difficult. But, for those that I  really don’t know, it is easier to move away on to other things that are of  a larger priority.

I guess that is just a small blurb on what I see as my current problem that  I have with what is going on. I need to make this work and I think that the  stress will fall off. But, until then I have to make due with what I have.

Ok, not that this is a really interesting topic, but hear me out. Initially when this quarter started I was taking 18 credits (which is 3 over a full time student). I figured that this would not be so bad because of the course content that I was registered for. But, after only one day in my IS class, I realized that not only was this class not what I had thought, but it totally sucked. So, in the wisest decision that I have made all quarter, I dropped that classtaking my schedule back down 13 credits.

Now, 13 credits seem like not a lot of credits to be taking. Well, yea, you are right. It is not that much. But, for some reason my INFO 311 prof likes to assign a ridiculous amount of reading for every class, and I think I speak for many when I say that some of it is quite boring and not simulating to read at all. So, spending all of my day off from class this week reading for 10 hours straight was not exactly my type of fun. But, wait Ryan, you went boarding on Saturday, then a party that night and another party for a friend the next night, so what’s your bitch about? Well, ok, fine… I did have fun this weekend… Ask some people that were there on Saturday…

But, it just seems that school is consuming me with things that are not as interesting to me as they were last quarter. I mean, I really enjoy the Informatics major, but some of the material is not really in what I want to get out of the program. Nevertheless, I have to take these classes because they are apart of my graduating. Also, on top of all the reading I have the unfortunate displeasure of taking yet another CSE class. I hate CSE with a passion and I think that this professor would rather bore us to death than do anything else. But, againI have no choice, and I will pay for it.

I guess I am just frustrated with how my time is disappearing this quarter. I am having less time for myself and more time that is being dedicated in the TE Lab, reading, catching up, doing CSE, or doing other stupid stuff. Also, with me starting a job tomorrow (Wed) I know my time will be more valuable then ever for myself and for those that I want to spend time with. So, with that said, I think some change is in order in where my commitments are and where they should be. I am pretty close now, but I just feel that if I can’tgo all out, I should just stay home and pass on the torch to someone else.