Why do I do this?

For the first two years that I attended school at UW I must say that I didn’t have much, if any, drama at all. But, for some reason, it seems like recently I have been causing drama between myself and some, well really one, of my friends. I honestly don�t mean to do this to people, but sometimes it just happens and I snap. Similar to what happened last night. I won�t go into details, since they don�t matter at this point, but I just snapped at one of my better friends. Something just came over me, that I can�t really explain, and I just went off.

Part of it was that I was taken back by what was said to me, but at the same time I should know better than to flip out like this to someone whom I care for. I should be a bigger man than that. But, I just fell apart and let the words get to me. I mean, what was said was not to be taken the way it was, but I got really offended by it and I just lost it. I hurt her, and I didn�t mean to at all.

Which, after it happened, made me think. Do I really know how much I affect people? I don�t really think I have the slightest idea. I am always putting myself behind other people and trying to put them before me, but at the same time I don�t see the effect that I have on other people. Even when you tell me, I probably will not believe you. So, it is hard for me to hear that I make a difference in someone else�s life. I just don�t see how I could. Personally I don�t see what I do that makes me stand out from the next guy. I just go about my business and just try to be me.

4 thoughts on “Why do I do this?”

  1. I think I am the same way that you are. I mean, most of my friends see me as a chill guy most of the time(which I am.) I don’t ever show my anger towards them but sometimes, I get irritated and just snap at them. They tell me after I snap at them that they don’t expect that of me. They view me as the strong one in our group of friends which is nice but putting me in a place I don’t really want to be at. I don’t know, I think it’s just the way we are to the people around us that makes them think certain things about us(good or bad.) I’m basically in the same boat with you.

  2. To think that you can have a relationship on people and not affect them is ignorant. You have an affect on everyone that you meet, no matter how long the encounter may last (granted someone you hold a door for will most likely not change their life, but on the other hand it could defiantly brighten their day and set in motion a whole different set of happenings). The thing with you, ryan, is that you are so confidant and have this self assurance that you exude (if you truly hold it I dont know) and for a long time when we were younger I couldnt figure it out because I had anything but self assurance. I looked up to you so much because of that and there is no doubt that people out there do as well.

    When people suddenly appear something other then our image of them we get very confused. Were not sure if we were wrong in our assumptions about them or if they are just not being themselves. It sucks that when you were in one of those moments that you hurt someone close to you, just make sure it doesnt stay on the burner. Also, have you been home yet?

  3. snapping is a form of communication. communication gives our persona definition. without communication, we’re not defined. you are who you are, and that’s better than not saying anything at all…i think…

  4. I <3 Ryan.
    Don’t change, otherwise I will </3 Ryan.
    And we don’t want that now do we.

    I haven’t been the blunt of one of your outbursts and i hope i never am, but it happens to us all man. Good friends will get thru it. I think the biggest effects we have on people are the ones we dont even know we’re making. In my experience, it is comforting to find out about those from the affected person, whether good or bad. So at least I knwo there is something to the relationship.

    I dunno. i think you’re fine the way you are. Dont bite your tongue unless you feel it’s appropriate. Otherwise I wouldnt be able to laugh as much as i do when talking to you.

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