Realization of Self

Everyone has those things that they know that are their “faults” or “imperfections.” You usually don’t like to hear about them and when they are brought up, it is a topic that you wish could just be pushed away, however valid it is to be pushed away or not. Over the past week I have been reflecting on what I could improve on for the benefit of myself and those around me. This is not that I am trying to be some super human an be perfect in all aspects of life, but I know I can improve on some of the things that I do.

It has been interesting to take a look back and think about why I am the way I am today. There are many different things that shape who I am, but it is up to me so shape who I will become. It is completely up to me. I realize this, and there are things that I want to improve on. I say improve on because I don’t think that change is the right word. I am not planning on deviating paths dramatically from who I am now. That would be difficult to do and I don’t think the effort put into it would be worth the outcome. That is just how I see it.

What I do know is that I have some things that I need to improve. I need to be more supportive and positive of other people and what they accomplish. I am a jealous person at times and I tend to belittle the accomplishments of others to bring them back down to “my level.” however far down that is. I need to stop doing this. These people are my friends and I am have so much pride in the fact that they are my friends and the things that they accomplish that I just can’t do this anymore. They need credit where it is due. Maybe, need is the wrong word. A better word choice would be deserve. They completely deserve it. It is much easier to criticize then it is to compliment. I need to take a piece of my own advice and follow this.

One of the things that I think of when I think about personal change is the fact about how I have moved from a self-centered person to one who is more selfless than selfish. During high school is was all about Ryan Prins and no one else. I had the mentality of me first and I’ll think about you later. That only goes so far and I had to stop that. The change came right before I came to college. I had a change in attitude and outlook on how I was treating people and how I felt that the deserved to be treated. This has led me to be, in my point of view, more selfless then selfish. I would say that I think of others before myself in more situations than not. This is the largest notable improvement that I have seen in myself.

This is the kind of improvement that I am looking for. I think I am in the situation right now to make the move. I am being shown things that I never knew existed and it is all beginning to make sense to me.

Only until recently have these things/ideas have been popping up in my mind. I am glad that they came up now as opposed to later. When I talk about them I know that they are things that are affecting other people that I care about, like I said above. I need to take a step back before I take a step forward and now it’s time for me to make that first step. Now is a better time then never, let’s begin with the toughest step, the first one.